Better or for Worse
by thatwindiscallingmyname
Summary: "The sensible tutor-girl in her knew life would always get in the way of their married-at-sixteen-fairytale. However, when she envisioned those hard times, she always saw Nathan by her side, holding her hand and telling her things would be okay." Based of off early Season 4; Haley's thoughts over the accident.


**Hi! So I'm back with another one-shot. This one is based of off early Season 4, after the wedding, and is an extended version of the NaLey scene in 4.03. I love OTH and everything, but there were just some NaLey moments which needed a little more detail. And this I felt was one of them. **

**Thank you so much for the reviews, follows and favourites on _Breathe_. It really meant a lot to me. It'd been ages since I wrote a paragraph even, and that one-shot got me back from the block, so thank you! Reviews would be wonderful on this one too!**

**Disclaimer: Mark Schwahn and Co. own OTH, NaLey, and this scene. I just wanted to add a few things here and there. **

**P.S. How many of you saw James Lafferty's picture at TIFF? Sigh.**

Water, screaming, Nathan. Haley awoke with a start yet again and looked around her, trying to seek comfort in the person she had been dreaming about, only to find the spot next to her cold and empty.

He'd sneaked out. _Again_.

Wiping her damp eyes, she sighed deeply. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. When she had pictured them renewing their vows, she'd pictured herself getting her happily ever after, especially after everything she and Nathan had been through. That didn't necessarily mean she was naïve enough to think that there would never be problems or sorrows in their lives; the sensible tutor-girl in her knew life would always get in the way of their married-at-sixteen-fairytale.

However, when she envisioned those hard times, she always saw Nathan by her side, holding her hand and telling her things would be okay.

But he wasn't here.

She knew he'd been through a lot on that day when they renewed their vows. She understood; she knew him better than anyone. She also knew that sneaking off and staying at that haunting bridge all night was a coping mechanism for him, and she would happily let him spend all his nights there rather in the safety of their bed. But it wasn't just about him or her anymore. There was a third person involved, a very, _very_ important third person.

Her hand moved to her belly as a tear slipped out of her eye, even though a smile began to creep its way on her face. Their baby. Nathan and Haley's baby. _NaLey's_ baby, as Brooke had so nicely put it. She'd even suggested naming the baby _Naley_, apparently the name was best suited for the 'love child'. Haley scrunched her nose and frowned. She loved her baby enough to not name them Naley. She knew Nathan would spend the rest of his life laughing at his own kid if they did name them that.

At Nathan's thought, her smile dropped. He didn't even know yet. But how was she supposed to tell him? Every time she summed up the courage to go talk to him, she would notice his distant look and know that he wasn't really there. Her Nathan wasn't around; he hadn't been for a while.

And then there was Rachel.

Haley had never been one to use the word 'hate' for any person. She believed that people hid the best versions of themselves, and you needed to give them a chance for that version to come out. That's why she tutored people. That light bulb in their heads that went on when her students got an answer right, that was her way of knowing that a part of their real, smart and good selves was slowly, but surely, coming out. That's why she'd tutored Nathan. And look where life brought her now.

But Rachel was an exception to everything she believed in. When she'd seen her kiss Nathan at the game, she'd wanted to rip them apart, pummel her to death and then use her body to pummel Nathan. Especially after she'd seen him sneak glances at her while playing. He only ever spared those sneaky glances for _her_. _For Haley_. Not Rachel. Seeing them cozying up at the party hadn't helped in any way. Nor had the fact that Nathan hadn't looked in her direction once the whole while at the party. The only time they even spoke was when she told him she was going home, and he'd kissed her goodnight and said he would be back later and not to wait up. She knew he would go back down to that bridge. A part of her wanted to get up and go to him, drag him back to bed and handcuff him to the bedpost.

Haley raised her eyebrows at the mental picture and smiled. She couldn't help it – her husband was sexy as hell. That was precisely why Rach-ho was after him in the first place, Haley thought and rolled her eyes.

Maybe she should go down to the bridge, at least before Rachel follows him there, Haley decided. But before she could even move she heard Nathan come in. She heard him shuffling around, as quietly as possible.

"You keep going to that bridge…" Haley mumbled softly. "I never thought I'd be jealous of a river." She gave out a dry laugh.

Nathan heard her voice, startled and shot the back of her body a guilty look.

"You know how much I like the water…" He replied, trying to lighten up a conversation he knew was going to be tough.

"I'm really trying not to be jealous, and I want to be understanding, but uh, it's really hard with you sneaking around." She muttered. Nathan sighed and forced the huge lump of guilt and confusion down his throat.

"I'm sorry…" She heard him whisper, and she knew he meant it.

"I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to let me in. Whatever it is, you know. Even if it has something to do with Rachel. Even if you like her; I just want you to tell me." She sniffled. That was such a lie. She never wanted to know if he really did like her; that would break her heart.

"You think I like Rachel?" She heard him walk and saw him sit at the foot of the bed by her legs. "Haley, I was just… I was just talking to her about the accident-"

"But I wanted you to talk to me about the accident!" Haley mumbled, cutting him off. "This has been hard on me too, Nathan. I did see my husband drown after all. On our wedding day, might I add." Haley gave out a dry chuckle.

"Baby, I'm so sorry!" Nathan murmured, running his hand up and down her leg.

"You don't need to be. Nathan I get it, I do. I just-I've never been so terrified in my life as I was at that moment when I kept screaming your name and you wouldn't-" She stopped; it hurt to even think about it. "I can't lose you..." She breathed out, looking at his guilt-ridden face.

"Oh baby, come here…" He murmured, pulling her up by her hands, and into his arms, her head automatically falling on his chest. Feeling his heartbeat and his hands stroking her hair, she let her tears fall. God, she hated these pregnancy hormones, although she knew they little to do with what she was feeling right now. "I'm so sorry, Hales, so sorry…" He kept whispering in her hair.

Nathan had never felt so rotten. Between dealing with his accident, what he saw in the water and Rachel throwing herself at him, he'd completely forgotten that Haley was dealing with the aftermath of this too. Ashamed of himself, he realized he hadn't asked her how she was dealing with it even once. Some husband he was.

"I was so scared." She mumbled into his chest.

"Its okay, I'm right here…" He mumbled soothingly, kissing her hair.

"I keep going back to that day, to that bridge, and the nightmares haven't been helpin-"

"You've been having nightmares?" He asked, pulling away slightly to look at her tear-stained face. When he saw her nod, he lost it, pulling her to him and kissing her with all the love and passion he could muster. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, breathless.

"You were already dealing with so much, and… you were never here when I got them." She said quietly. She knew this would make him feel worse, and she didn't want that, but she needed him to know what this distance between them was doing to her. She'd come close to losing him once before, and she was never going back to that again.

"I'm so sorry, baby… God, I'm such a crappy husband!" He closed his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh. He had to be the world's biggest idiot. It was official.

"You're not. You're just going through a lot-"

"So are you, and I failed to see that. I'm supposed to put your needs and wants above my own and I failed. _Again_." Haley's eyes widened at how mad he looked at himself. She needed to do damage control.

"Nathan, its okay. What you went through in that water is something way beyond my imagination even, and my stupid nightmares can't compete with that." Haley mumbled sincerely.

"They shouldn't have to!" Nathan exclaimed. "You've been having nightmares that keep you up at night and I've been walking around that bridge like a lunatic. That's got to prove I'm crazy, right?" He mumbled, bumping his forehead against her's.

"Crazy, yes. Crappy husband, no." Haley murmured with a small smile. "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse. That's what we vowed to each other, and I couldn't break my vows by not giving you your own time and space to heal." She caressed his cheek with her hand, and nuzzled his nose.

"I just-" She paused, feeling her eyes become glossy again. "I won't lose you, right?" She asked him like a frightened child. "You're not going anywhere?" She asked again, her voice small.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." Nathan kissed her softly, sealing his promise. "I love you, Haley James Scott, and I'm sorry for how our wedding day turned out, and for everything that happened after that." He said sincerely, kissing her forehead.

"Its okay." She sniffled. "We just need to learn to let each other in, all the way. No secrets. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the nightmares." She laid her head on his shoulder, playing with his shirt-collar.

"I'm sorry too. I just, I keep looking for these answers, you know…" He whispered.

"Answers to what?" She frowned, looking up.

"I think…I think somebody pulled Rachel, Cooper and I out of that water." He said, and wondered if he'd framed it right.

"You mean Lucas?" Haley asked him confused.

"No, before Lucas. Somebody else, somebody else saved us." He mumbled again, knowing he sounded crazy.

"Who?" Haley asked curiously.

"Keith." Nathan said after a short pause. Haley lifted her head off his shoulder and raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Keith?" She asked and saw him nod once.

"I know I sound crazy, but I know what I saw. I know it makes no sense, I mean he's gone, and no one else saw him. I know you think I've gone crazy, believe me, I think that too-" Nathan rambled on.

"I believe you." Haley said simply.

"You believe I'm crazy?" Nathan asked, frowning. Haley laughed and shook her head.

"No, I believe you saw him. You say it was him and I believe you." She smiled up at him. Nathan smiled and shook his head.

"Its just… I hear all these people calling me a hero, praising me and patting my back, and I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm nobody's hero. And I didn't tell you any of this because I thought it would go away, I thought basketball would make it go away. But it didn't." Nathan frowned, looking at his hands.

"Nathan, your problems are my problems. I want us to face these things together." She smiled, rubbing his arm gently. "And you're wrong." She stated, tugging at his collar. "You're my hero!" She smiled, pulling him down on top of her.

"So you don't think I'm crazy?" He asked her, looking down into her loving, caring eyes.

"No! I do not think you're crazy." Haley stated, and he knew she meant it. "Do you think I'm fat?" She asked after a short pause. Nathan looked down at her, surprised at her sudden question.

"What? 'Course not." He argued, playing with her hair. A part of him knew it was a general reflex. Your wife asks you if she's fat, you don't think, you don't breathe, you just say no. But he also knew it was true. Haley had never been the poster model sporting a size-zero swimsuit, but she wasn't fat.

"Do I have a little head?" She asked him innocently, her big brown doe eyes round and wide.

"No!" He chuckled. "I love your head. Come here!" He pulled her head up, giving her sweet kiss on her forehead, making her smile.

"So that's why you keep going down to that bridge?" Haley asked, finally knowing the reason behind her husband's disappearance.

"For that." He sighed. "And, for this." He said, pulling out her colorful crackerjack bracelet from his pocket. Seeing Haley's eyes light up at the sight of it, he knew all his trips down there had been worth it. She raised her hand up and he placed it back on her wrist, where it belonged.

He gave her a soft kiss and looked into her teary eyes.

"Now that you've got it back, can you please stay here tonight? Maybe the nightmares won't come if you're here holding me." She said in a small voice, afraid he might go back looking for answers.

Nathan smiled down at her and leaned his forehead against her's.

"I'm not going anywhere. And those nightmares are never coming back." He said confidently. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you, too." She smiled, kissing him deeply and lovingly.

As she kissed him, she considered telling him about their baby growing inside of her. But she quickly decided against it. Now wasn't the time. For now she could just revel in the fact that she would finally be able to sleep peacefully and dreamlessly tonight, in the safety of his arms. Everything else could wait.


End file.
